Now is the time

Do you feel as if you’re lagging behind? Perhaps it took you a while to complete school or get a job while your mates seem far ahead. Maybe you don’t even have a job yet. This is not the time to mull over where you could have been if everything worked out right. Rather, this is the time to work hard to make that dream come true in the nearby future.

If you’re a job seeker, this is the time to send in those applications no matter how frustrating writing those cover emails are or how annoying it is to receive rejection letters. Don’t give up! This is also the time to think about your preferred career path. Figure out your strengths and weaknesses. Hone your networking and interviewing skills because there is nothing worse than missing a good opportunity due to ill-preparedness. This is the time to go through those lecture notes or textbooks you used in school to remind you of your subject area. I know some people are rolling their eyes but it will help you speak confidently when asked questions related to your degree program.

If you just got a job, this is the time to understand the company’s business, especially the work assigned to your department. Avoid the comparison trap; don’t be turned off by the fact that your boss is younger than you even if he has a bad attitude. Learn the ins and outs of your department; the professional terms and slangs, hierarchy and culture, roles and responsibilities, so that anytime you’re called upon to do someone else’s work, you can do it without stress. Keep cool and try to maintain a good working relationship with everyone. Remember what Zig Ziglar said about attitude? Because there are many skilled people who fail to reach their potential because of a bad attitude. He said, “Your attitude, not your aptitude will determine your altitude”. Don’t let your attitude get in the way!

If you just started a business, this is the time of hard work so you can achieve the desired growth. Don’t be discouraged by competitors; devise sustainable ways of attracting and retaining new customers. Please believe in your work because that is probably the only thing that will keep you going when things get tough, and they will get tough at some point in time.

To be honest, I am somewhat inexperienced in life but i do know that nothing good comes from comparing ourselves to others. Avoid the comparison trap at all costs! It erodes one’s confidence in themselves to be their best. Even if you’ve had bad experiences, call it a “lesson learned” and apply it to future situations. In fact, research has found that people who refused to dwell on their bad experiences but rather learn from them became successful. Remember Ben Carson, the kid from a single parent home with poor grades in school who later became a renowned neurosurgeon and the first to successfully separate conjoined twins at the head? Your starting point in life shouldn’t affect your future.

All you need do now is stop thinking about how others appear to be more successful than you are; develop yourself in whatever way you can and work hard. Seek help if you need it and if you’re patient enough, you’ll find it. 

I’ll leave you with my favourite quote by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow; “The heights by which great men reached and kept were not attained by sudden flight, but they, while their companions slept, were toiling upwards in the night”. (Thanks to a former commandant in Secondary school who made us recite this during the morning assembly. It is my motivation).

The best time is now...

P.S.

Please let us learn to support others that are lagging behind, instead of deriding them. At the end, it will do us good if we are all comfortable. Many social evils result from a feeling of neglect. Let us fight poverty! 

If you think you are strong...Watch out!

Do you know someone you admire so much because of the way the person handles life? Everything just seems to go their way even when things aren’t perfect. You wish you could be like that person when you grow up until...shit happens. All of a sudden, the person no longer seems to be in control of things and you wonder what went wrong...

It could be that superhero husband or father of yours that started cheating on your mum and gives less attention to you and your siblings. It could be that loving mother you once knew who decides to start rocking life at age 40, forgetting she’s a role model to her little daughters. Maybe you had an amazing friend that was tired of being broke and decided to heed the advice of some bad guys that do all sorts to make money (Yahoo yahoo, 419).

It could even be your favourite uncle from childhood who once loved his wife and adored his daughters but his selfish desire for a male heir obscured his thinking as he threw out his wife for another woman and beat up his girls. It could be a lovely young girl with a bright future that foolishly falls for Mr. Smooth and gets pregnant; she’s left to fend for herself, so she puts school on pause...

It could be that kind neighbour you once knew who lost his job and felt all hope was lost, became friends with alcohol and started beating up his wife and kids.  It could be that sensational pop star you once knew who got caught up with the glamour of celebrity life and now the Rehab is gradually becoming a permanent home.  Or is it that great leader you once knew who forgot the sufferings of his people and started pocketing funds meant for development.

These stories are not uncommon and some of the people mentioned recover through the help of friends, family or even therapy. Others simply never do. The most painful thing about ‘veering off the right road’ is the dreadful effects it has on others. Sometimes, the person suffers immediately but other times, much later. Just like a young boy who watched his father beat up his mother and later becomes a wife beater in the future.

It’s easy to say ‘it can never happen to me’ but watch out because if you do not do the following, you might just be going down...

7 important steps to avoid ‘veering off the right road’  

1.   Note down who you want to be
2.    Stand firm in what you believe
3.    Constantly evaluate yourself
4.    Scrutinize the people that surround you, especially those that have the potential to influence you e.g. friends, family)
5.   Only keep close those whose beliefs are in sync with yours; regularly check up on them and encourage one another
6.    Be open to criticism but confirm from 2 other people to ensure you’re not being led astray
7.    Always remember that whatever you do has the potential to affect another person, whether directly or indirectly

Step 1 is important because it defines the characteristics of the type of person you want to be and what you must do to become that person.
 

Step 2 says that after identifying who you want to be, you must believe that it is achievable and be convinced that you’re doing the right thing before you begin to alter your behaviour towards the desired goal. This is important because you may encounter some challenges that might attempt to distract you, which can only be overcome with a strong belief.
 

Step 3 helps you to monitor your progress and ensure you’re still on the right track.

Since we’re not an island, we are susceptible to other people’s beliefs but steps 4 and 5 will ensure we have the right people by our side and that we’re constantly motivated to remain on the right track. For those ones whose beliefs are far from yours, try to convince them to stand up for the right things when you have the opportunity (just in case they listen to you one day).
 

Step 6 is important because that is the only way someone else can help you get back on track if you begin to relapse.
 

Step 7 is a warning that every action has its repercussion(s) not only for ourselves but others so we must be careful how we act.

Please let us not get carried away by petty things or fall into the trap of ‘everyone is doing it’...’this is the in thing’. It doesn’t pay to follow the crowd (unless everyone is doing the right thing). Even when things are rough, keep believing that someday all will be well and it eventually will.

Finally, it is not enough to know these steps, recommend and preach it. We must do it because that is the only way we can avoid veering off the right road. 

Introducing ForRealGood

Hello All,

Thanks for visiting ForRealGood blog. Sorry that I’m about to add another blog to your collection considering the many blogs out there. Anyway, this one is for real...good, and it will enlighten our minds. This post gives a summary about the blog and other important information. 

I realized that i have an interest in understanding people's behaviour and its impact on decision making, which also affects development. For the past two years, i noticed that many people do not take seriously the good values we were once taught in school or at home such as humility, self-control, kindness, etc. I believe this is a key issue affecting development in many countries, and also prevents individuals from reaching their full potential. 

In my opinion, the first step towards addressing this issue is to continuously remind people about those good values and why it is important we uphold them. This blog is a way of reaching out to the public by sharing articles that discusses the issues i raised above.

I hope to write frequently or feature other articles in line with the general theme. Please feel free to leave comments. You can get latest updates about the blog on twitter by following @kodili_ or subscribe by email at the right hand side of the blog. I'll also make announcement on my timeline on Facebook.

Don't forget, you can send in articles that are related to the general theme. I’d be pleased to publish it.

Please read my first post below and tell me what you think. It’s always nice to get feedback. Thank you for your patience and understanding :)

Cheers!
Kodili

I thought our parents told us this was bad...why are we doing it?

It’s alarming how some of the things that were once considered wrong now seem to be normal. Everything we were taught about discipline, self-control, humility, patience, empathy, etc have gone down the drain. We’ve let ego get in the way; unnecessary and unhealthy competition; self-esteem issues; being unique in the wrong way (because you want to appear better than your neighbour). What changed people’s behaviour? Did we somehow just develop amnesia and forget or what? The annoying thing is that it is contagious. When you’re surrounded by people who do not appreciate good values or have lost theirs, there is the tendency for you to do same because of the lack of motivation to practice yours.

 

What we forget is that every action we take has its implications. According to Isaac Newton’s third law of motion, “for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction”. In other words, every time we do something that promotes bad values, we should expect a negative reaction somewhere. That is why the rot in the country is getting bigger.

 

These are some of the wrong things we do or see people doing everyday:

 

1.  You’re not friendly with people you think cannot help you.

 

2.  When you meet someone for the first time, you assume the person has attitude issues so you're always on the defensive and ready to take action (common amongst ladies).

 

3.  You believe you’re in a competition with everybody that appears to be on the same level as you are or has potential to surpass you. You feel threatened unnecessarily and do everything within your power to weaken such persons.

 

4.  You can’t help but gossip even about your ‘supposed’ friend (and it is no longer only a female thing).

 

5.  You’re fond of insulting others. You have got no other way of cracking jokes.

 

6.  You don’t share friends (Thought that was kindergarten stuff!).

 

7.  You must do eye-service to ‘Oga’ if you want to grow in an organisation (even when the person is full of shit!). Hard work without eye-service won’t give you promotion these days.

 

8.  You don’t respect people older than you because you’re in a higher position at work than they are. If the person is younger, your behaviour is even worse.

 

9.  You’re selfish! Even when a decision you take will negatively affect others, you only think about yourself.

 

10.  In your dictionary, there is no such thing as a mutual agreement. Your decision is always final. Let the other person always be the one to change position or adjust.

 

11.  You believe that if you don’t cheat others, you’re a moron because everyone does it.

 

12.  You believe that if you’re nice, you’re a ‘mumu’ because the person you’re being nice to is not.

 

13.  Ladies will say ‘I love you’ but you must provide all my needs. Guys will say ‘I love you’ but commitment is an issue when I see fine babes all the time. No self-discipline!

 

14.  You cannot control your urges; you don’t mind raping to get satisfaction.

 

15. When something bad happens to someone, you only shout loud enough for the appropriate authorities to do something if it is your next door neighbour, because you could be the next. If it happens to someone far away, you don’t lose sleep.

 

16. You won’t give your customers their ‘change’ (even when you have it) unless they make continuous noise for it.

 

17.  You won’t return money you borrowed (even when you have it) unless the person reminds you. In your mind, everything na dash!

 

18.  You withhold staff salary unnecessarily even when you know the amount is small and their daily survival is dependent on it.

 

19.  If a company’s management don’t keep you waiting (for nothing) when you go for an interview or job test, it is a miracle.

 

20.  You’ve got a big ego! When you offend someone, you don’t apologise. You believe the person will forget after sometime and both of you will move on like nothing happened.

 

21.  When you offend someone, you’ll always apologise but never make effort to ensure it doesn’t happen again. Lack of self-control!

 

 

The list is endless! We feel we’re accountable to nobody so all the good manners we once learned should be forgotten. Even when you correct the wrongdoers, they don’t listen; they keep doing wrong because they feel others do it so there is no point trying to be different. Is that true? NO!!!

 

Just imagine if everyone had good values, even with limited resources, we’ll feel content because those resources would be put to good use. There will be no riots or strikes; you’ll finish university in 4 years (or within the required time); productivity will be high because the right set of workers are employed (no employing of relatives that lack skills) and the much needed motivation to work is in place; unemployment and crime rate will decline and so on...

 

Please let’s stand up for what is right so that gradually we can correct some of those anomalies sinking our country.  Yes, we can do it...it’s a matter of commitment, self-discipline, and self-control.

 

P.S.

 

It’s over 2 months now that the Chibok girls have been abducted. Yet, everybody is still going about their normal business. When government planned to completely remove petroleum subsidy in January 2012, there was a nationwide strike until Jonathan reversed it. Why can’t we do that now?